Fine. I'll sleep in my office
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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