I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
