I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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