if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
