I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
