i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize