I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize