"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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