mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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