i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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