The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
