Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
