She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
