Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
