the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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