Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
