What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
