I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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