1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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