She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
