His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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