Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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