my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
