my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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