If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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