I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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