I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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