so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize