Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish i was in the wii world.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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