Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
