hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
