just tell him i said nine months
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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