I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
