Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wish my penis had a tongue
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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