i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
