come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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