I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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