you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
