Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
