I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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