she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
