somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
