In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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