I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
