In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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