Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
