After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
