Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
