i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
