Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
