This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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