Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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