My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
