So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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