i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
