I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
