so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
