You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
