1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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