this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
