Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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