We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
