just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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