It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
