the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
