Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
