Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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