i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
